Paula C. from Washington, Helpline Staff

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Paula C.

My Dad took us to Sunday School and Church when I was ten. It was not until 10 years later that I developed a relationship with the Lord. At 17, I graduated from high school and became pregnant at 18. My older boyfriend arranged for the abortion which was illegal at the time. They baby was further along, and I told the ‘doctor’ I changed my mind. I was told it was too late to change the procedure and I was given more ether. Afterwards, I tried to find meaning by working and starting college but dropped out. I became engaged to a guy I thought was genuinely nice. We didn’t know each other long before I became pregnant. My boyfriend believed the world was overpopulated and did not want the responsibility of a baby so I took care of my pregnancy quickly through Planned Parenthood. To be honest, the director brought out models of fetuses to let me know how far along I was and asked me if abortion was the choice I wanted to make.

The abortion was quick, legal and in a hospital with caring people. However, I felt a deep sense of shame, something I hadn’t felt the first time. I still wondered if abortion were right or wrong, but I deeply regretted what I’d done and knew I would never again have one. Even conceiving after marriage, my family encouraged me to get an abortion. My husband said he would support my decision to have the baby. It was the best decision of my life. The instant my daughter was born, I knew I had been misled by family, the media, and the women’s liberation movement. All the negativity about having babies ruining your life was a lie. I was shocked at how much love I felt towards her and how strongly I wanted to protect her. At that point I began turning my back on my past. My desire was to live a Christian life by growing spiritually. and trying to be a great wife and mom. I found the truth about abortion 7 years later. I was listening to MOODY radio’s Focus on the Family. The commentator mentioned Psalms 139 was clearly the answer to abortion. I found my Bible and read “Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139: 13. I knew there was no denying what I had done. I was crushed, but I experienced His mercy and forgiveness in a miraculous way. Only God could fix my hurts.

My heart is for all the people who have regretted their decision. They feel unforgiven and have a kept this secret for decades. Sometimes church is a risky place to discuss abortion. Some believe it’s the ‘unforgivable sin’. I believe this is a lie of the enemy. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you to myself “says Jer. 31:3. There are wonderful and compassionate recovery groups and many great recovery studies to lead you on your journey to forgiveness. A favorite verse of mine is Isa 54:17 “No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”